


ASMR with Slav

by FunkyWashingMachine



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ASMR, Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Best Friends, Blogging, Bubble Wrap, Character Study, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cute, Death, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Monologue, Morbid, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmates, Surreal, Tea, Weirdness, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 02:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12997803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyWashingMachine/pseuds/FunkyWashingMachine
Summary: Slav abuses his vlog privileges by making hour-long ASMR videos





	ASMR with Slav

            Hello, my lovely subscribers, and welcome to my seventy-eighth ASMR video in this reality.

            As always, I would like to thank you for your support and your suggestions.

            So, as you can see, I have a nice array of things to make crinkling and tapping sounds for you today.  I understand that a lot of you subscribers have been requesting me to make mouth sounds.  Unfortunately my mouth does not make sounds in the same way that yours does, but I can make little chews on this teacup.

            Okay, that is enough little chews.

            But today, I have something special planned for my beautiful listeners.  Right now I will be pouring some tea and slurping it for you, even though the sound of water does not relax me.  But I have heard from several of you that YOU find it relaxing.  The probability that I will drown while drinking this tea is very low and I find that thought comforting.  I hope this comforts you as well.

            Oh, that is very hot tea.  I will blow on it to cool it down.

            Oh no, little splashes.  We are going to put this one away for now.

            But do not worry, I have brought many other objects to this video.  I am always getting requests to crinkle and tap several different things at once, because the other ASMRtists do not have this many hands to work with.

            So in this hand, I will make the crinkly-crinkly sound on this plastic wrapper that came off a very delicious flomptoad at the space mall, and with THIS hand I will lightly brush your head.  And by your head I mean the camera but to you it looks like your head.  And THESE two hands will be popping some bubble wrap.

            Oh yes, those are some very relaxing sounds.  As you may know from my other videos and channel description, during my captivity I became the number one ASMR tapper of this reality, and now that I am free it is my gift to share with all of you.

            Now, many of you kind viewers have told me I have a nice ASMR voice and I should use it more often, so I will be talking about some things as I do the crinkling and tapping.

            I will start by talking about the bubble wrap.  Popping bubble wrap is a very special trigger of mine.  I have spent a lot of time deprived of bubble wrap, but there is plenty of it on this ship, so I am frequently popping it in my hands.  Heheh.  More than once I have popped the bubble wrap in the presence of my best friend, who jumps every single time and then yells at me.  But that is okay, that is how our friendship has gone since the very beginning.

            I understand that there are several realities where my friend does not jump at the sound of bubble wrap, but unfortunately this is not one of them.  But regardless, he and I are best friends in virtually every reality out there.  My planet has a word for this kind of friendship but it would appear the closest approximation on yours is the word “soul mates.”

            And I know what you are thinking – “Your friend yells so much, why are you soul mates with him?”  Well, there are plenty of realities where I am the one yelling at HIM, and yet soul mates we remain.  What it comes down to, in this reality at least, is that there is no one else who understands him the way I do.  And yes, the thought upsets him, but deep down he knows it is true.

            But do not worry, because I have plenty of other friends on this ship.  There is my small friend, who in many realities gets snapped in half by a very large creature.  Of course I do not tell her this, as I do not wish to upset her, but I always talk to my best friend about this kind of thing.  He is a very understanding person, even if he yells a lot.

            My Earth friends are a strange bunch, but I like them anyway.  I am sure you have lovely strange friends as well.  Sadly, none of my personal friends on this ship have subscribed to my Youtube channel yet.  But since they won’t be listening, it means I can talk about whatever I want to.

            One thing I never say to my best friend is how likely he is to die in any reality where one of his friends has died first.  It is… very likely.  I do not wish to be too graphic, but in most of those realities he falls into a very bad despair.  But there are no good outcomes in the realities where I tell him about this, so I keep it to myself.

            Oh yes, this crinkling.  I like this sound because it makes me forget how many realities we have suffered horrible deaths in.

            Now, a very angry subscriber of mine has been requesting that my friends be allowed to speak during these videos.  Normally I do not address particular commenters during my videos, but to Mister Iverson – I do not appreciate the tone of your typing.  The reason I do not allow my friends to participate in these videos is because, although I love them very much, they can be very loud and are not well-suited to making a relaxing video.  My screaming best friend is a prime example.  As a matter of fact, I came close to including him in a haircut roleplay video, but he was not patient enough for me to count all his hair follicles, so that video has been deleted.

            All right, this tapping is starting to tire out my hands and I still have another trigger sound for you all.  This will require all of my hands at once, too, so no more plastic bag and bubble wrap for today.

            But this is one of my favorite triggers.  You see this blanket?  We are going to fluff it PERFECTLY.  I have spent a lot of time doing this and I can tell you it is very relaxing.  You just need to get the corners up like that… and you need some little folds in here…

            Oh no, the blanket has fallen.  Now we have to start over.  But that is fine, we are under the protection of the Voltron Coalition so we are sixty-four percent less likely to be murdered before the blanket is perfect.

            Oh, that rustling sound.  Don’t you love it?  I find it very pleasing.  And yet my best friend does not appreciate it when I arrange his blanket for him.  But I have seen how he leaves his blanket and it is most upsetting.  Not only does he fail to appreciate the rustling, he actually FOLDS the blanket into a tiny little square.  And yes, the symmetry is pleasing but the lack of life in it is not.

            Not that I am, as you say, tooting my horn, but I really am the unsung hero of this ship.  For example, there was a very high percentage of realities where one of us chokes to death on the intricate dish my friend spent hours on the other day, so when it was finished I picked it up and threw it against the wall as a safety precaution.

            As a matter of fact, that is why I am here right now, because my friends are eating their dinner together and have requested that I do something else.

            There, now we will not have any nightmares tonight because we have the perfect crinkles in the blanket.  You may notice the nice little hills and valleys, arranged in a Fibonacci sequence with an alteration on every fourth crease.

            So, for my next video, I have decided to read to you from my favorite publication: Hydro Electric Gravitational Motherfucking Science Monthly.  Most of the time I only read the virtual edition but for you subscribers I have started to buy the paper ones so we can crinkle them.

            Now, I will blow you a goodbye kiss because you all seem to like that so much.

            Thank you for watching, and remember to subscribe if you have not already.  And even if you have already subscribed in another reality, please remember to subscribe in this one.

**Author's Note:**

> I know no one's going to read this, so if you got this far, come and get your award certificate this Tuesday


End file.
